The Three Steps from Attraction to Commitment

Man’s men simply will not give romantic comedies the time of day… at a declarative level. They are over-simplifying, sugary sweet, mushy, and, generally speaking, the type of things that gullible girls fall for. In actuality, however, the number of men that dream of a scenario along the lines of ‘meet girl, get a girl to like you, make girl yours forever’ is not nearly as insubstantial as some would like you to believe. Quite the contrary. What’s more, acknowledging this type of sensitivity is a good first step any man could take in the direction of self-fulfillment and increased comfort with oneself. With comfort comes self-confidence, which, as anyone knows is the single most attractive quality in the eyes of both genders.

But what comes after that initial attraction? After all, attracting someone is a matter of piquing and stimulating their curiosity – however, it is no reliable basis for a long-term relationship. How can any man move from that blissful initial period of sensual bliss into a committed, profound love affair, which stands a chance of withholding the test of time. In three simple steps, outlined below.

Creating a Sense of Intimacy

Contrary to what some may think, intimacy does not start in the bedroom. It builds up to that culminating explosion of the senses, but it builds off of comfort and a shared mental connection. As a wise man once put it, “the mind is the most sensual organ.” That belief is substantiated by plenty of anecdotal evidence, which confirms that attraction will wane in time, much like curiosity. True intimacy, however, which relies on knowing your chosen partner down to their tiniest preferences and the most random trivia, is a wholly different matter. Want to get intimate with your lady friend? Listen and pay attention, in any given order.

Fostering Commitment

When is a woman ready to commit? Just like a man, when they feel it is safe to trust their partner with their history, desires, and aspirations. When they are no longer afraid to disclose and discuss their past, to communicate their sexual needs and preferences, and when they have at least some degree of certainty that they will be helped, nurtured, and supported even when they are not their best. A popular adage for women says ‘If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.’ That, of course, is an exaggeration by all accounts. However, behind it hides the desire to be unconditionally appreciated. If you can’t surmount your partner’s flaws at least in part, then perhaps they are not the one you should be committing to.

Harboring Passion

True passion lasts a lifetime, they say. Meanwhile, looking at couples that have been together for years, or even decades, it seems that passion as we experience it in the beginning of a romantic liaison gets replaced by something altogether different. The truth is, as usual, somewhere between these two extremes. Keeping passion alive is a matter of creating memorable experiences with your partner. Such episodes foster the release of happiness hormones, such as adrenaline and oxytocin. In other words, if you can keep your partner happy, you’re pretty much home safe in terms of passion that will live on forever.

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Photo Credit: dollen (CC BY-ND 2.0)

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